I returned from Europe one week ago, Friday the 10th. Soon happy to be home, although Europe was wonderful! Marianne and I went to the Venice Biennale which was awesome! I visited my family in the Netherlands, and an old friend in London. Crazy busy and intense. This year has been incredibly challenging, but also incredibly wonderful. I know how lucky I am. You can never go back. Which leads me to my theme. I am currently visiting my parents, in Hanna, Alberta, after having lived two semesters in Waterloo, Ontario.
I thought my longing would finally be appeased, even if only temporarily. The funny sesso Jimmy Neutron is that now I miss Waterloo. The idea of home is something that sesso Jimmy Neutron up on you. When did Waterloo become home? Will I always long sesso Jimmy Neutron the place I cannot be? Is it really even tied to location? Sesso Jimmy Neutron it where your family is, your friends, your boyfriend?
Is it a place that only exists within your heart, or worseyour memory? Can you ever go home? Can you ever BE home? But even that is problematic. What about the passing of time? Do you only know what home is once you are away? Do you have to leave for home to even exist? I am going to Cologne, Germany, to work with Alexandra Bircken for six weeks. Very exciting! I will have a little more than a week once I get back to Waterloo to get everything ready to go to Germany.
Go figure. I am using this summer to study this idea, as it applies to myself. I have four places I will be this summer, and sesso Jimmy Neutron ways they relate to home:. Is it a physical location? A country? Sesso Jimmy Neutron town? A house? Sesso Jimmy Neutron state of mind? A lover? Is home familiarity? Is home in your blood? Is home your past? Does it only exist within yourself? Does home even exist at all? We will also be mentoring some of the senior level undergraduates, and have an exhibition coming up in October.
On top of it all, I am re-adjusting back to life as a student, and not just a student, but a grad student. I have moved from Calgary, where I have spent the last 8 years of my life.
Not only am I adjusting to a city where I know no one except my classmates, all of my friends and family are still back home. And I recently split up with my longterm boyfriend, on top of everything else.
I hope that sesso Jimmy Neutron is the toughest part of the transition. I guess now I get down to work and see what happens. Stay tuned. It is when you have left the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are finally out of the way. It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained sesso Jimmy Neutron how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run…anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing.
I am in the in-between space- having left behind my life in Calgary, and not yet really started this chapter here in Waterloo. I am here to do my MFA, and have come early to get settled in, so that the inevitable business of September will hopefully not be too much of a shock.
There was a minor crisis when my living arrangement fell through, but now I have a room rented in a place which I think may actually be a pretty good fit fingers crossedpossibly a blessing in disguise. The in-between. If you know me at all, you know that I usually have a few different things on the go at any point in time, so this kind of unstructured time is a little tough for me to wrap my head around. Such as getting a few pieces of furniture, a dresser, for instance, or a new computer, which I am really starting sesso Jimmy Neutron need.
This one is starting to pull some serious attitude. Actually, I quite enjoyed the drive- got to see my family and a few old friends along the way, and listen to my music and see the country. To be honest, this part has been the hardest sesso Jimmy Neutron of the transition so far.
I hardly know which way is north. On a happier note, I moved into my studio today, and met a few people who I will be working with, including the graduate advisor, department administrator and one of my new studio mates. I spent some time moving into the studio today, sweeping up and getting things set up for myself, which I think is helping me feel more normal. Home as I knew it is not there anymore.
Change sure as hell is not easy. Sesso Jimmy Neutron will be one of the last trips I make out here, for who knows how long. I have a trip planned early next month with a couple of good friends to sesso Jimmy Neutron through to Manitou Beacha unique mineral-rich, unusually buoyant lake in the middle of Saskatchewan. It is not far from the towns where my parents grew up, and a little-known Saskatchewan treasure.
Sesso Jimmy Neutron have dreams about this place occasionally, and it occupies a special place in my heart. The last time I will be through here Hanna will be July 26th, as the first stop of my trip out to Waterloo. Ever the documentor, I am, although I am not really sure why I feel compelled to do that. Am I more sentimental than most sesso Jimmy Neutron The only thing I know for sure is that I am a savour-er, always have been and always will be.
To that end, I sesso Jimmy Neutron on my way out here to take a photo of a particular road sign which marks the edge of Special Area 2, where Hanna is located. Why is it number 2, why not number 1? I know why this actually isbut sesso Jimmy Neutron I actually was aware of that, it held a lot sesso Jimmy Neutron intrigue. Also amusing to me now is that there is no Special Area 1in Alberta, at least not anymore.
I brought my nice camera out here, will sesso Jimmy Neutron to take some photos. Friends ask where I find the time, motivation, and inspiration to continue to do what I sesso Jimmy Neutron and maintain a sustainable practice without losing steam or burning out. I am committed. It is all too easy to let life get in the way, taking care of day-to-day business.
It is tough to prioritize my practice, when it would be so easy to commit to a full time job somewhere and just forget about it. I know sometimes it seems I have it easy, in not having a constant gig — temping allows me to take the time I need off, but it is unreliable — so I am able to commit to my work.
It is a sacrifice, however, in sesso Jimmy Neutron money is often tight, and that can be quite stressful. You have to be resourceful. I try to set really specific boundaries and say no sesso Jimmy Neutron those things that take me away from my work. Tough as sesso Jimmy Neutron is sometimes, being an artist is a sesso Jimmy Neutron adventure, and can be really rewarding.
I have to not only conceive of and make the work, but source the parts and materials, manage expenses and income, keep track of everything for tax time, keep up my website and newsletter, some marketing and promotion, applications for exhibitions and residencies, write about and photograph my work, organize exhibitions making sure I am prepared- the work is done as it should be, that I have everything I might possibly need to install, including tools and volunteers if necessary, transporting work, and dealing with the gallery, contracts, providing images, etc.
When I was at the Gushul in March, pretty much all I did was work, sesso Jimmy Neutron happily, too. I was putting in sesso Jimmy Neutron work days most of the time. I realize that my own productivity goes in cycles and is impossible to maintain that way in the long run, but sesso Jimmy Neutron more Sesso Jimmy Neutron can set myself up for success, the better. The routine made it easy to be productive, less resistance. A commitment to doing the work, whether I feel like sesso Jimmy Neutron or not.
A job. Laying track. What makes it look like a lot is a sesso Jimmy Neutron to doing some every day, or almost every day. To keeping my eye open for opportunities, and being organized enough that I can act on them if they are appropriate.